Spring is coming. I don’t know it’s coming because the weather is warmer or because the trees are budding. My son tells me. He tells me in the way he behaves. Every spring from early February to July he struggles. Things that didn’t used to bother him are now minor issues. What used to be minor issues are now major issues. Major issues are now screaming meltdowns, complete with aggression. Spring is now a time of dread for us.
And once again I am staring at the realities of Autism: medication. I hate the thought of medicating my child. But as D gets older D gets bigger. As D gets bigger D hits harder, and this momma who already struggles with Fibromyalgia struggles a little more. I know it’s time because it affects his life so much that he struggles with everything. There’s more of all the bad stuff: perseverating, meltdowns, fixations, aggression. The sweet little boy who loves to cuddle fades a little and in his place is this unreasonable and unreachable stranger. So, off we go to the PCP who will recommend a child psychiatrist.
I’ve entered a time of endurance. It’s not a happy time. It’s a time of dogged determination. Like a marathon runner at the end of the race, winded and sweating, focused on putting one foot in front of the other foot. I start my mantra by telling myself over and over: “I don’t have to be excellent. I just have to endure.” 1st Corinthians 13:7 says it all:
“Love…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
And I love my son. So I endure. For his sake and the sake of my Lord. Who, for some reason, entrusted me with this child. I hold on to His hand and I hope for the future. I have to believe theres a better future in store for us. A future that doesn’t include all these struggles. It’s how I endure, after all. All of us have times of endurance. Times of dogged determination. Times that we just have to get through. The bible promises so much to those of us who are able to endure:
“You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.” Matthew 10:22
So, we pray. We hope for the future. We endure, and we hold His hand.